Same. I want friends who have similar vibes with me but I also don't want them. For years, I had always called people who called me 'friend' acquittance or mates. And I am so cool with friendships. If you need me, I'm here. If you don't, I'm okay. Just don't ignore me.
For me, at every point in my life I've always had an Abdul-azeez and for that I'm extremely grateful. The thing is going through friendships, a lot of lessons are learnt and one major lesson I've learnt is communication. Great communication in friendships solves a lot of problems.
This is a piece I can so relate with! How one is loved and the other beloved, and how one party enjoys receiving which in turn breaks the friendship. You've said it all. In as much as you enjoy your stress-free life of not having a bestie, you crave one when you see others from a distance.
But how come I wasn't aware of this platform until now? Looking forward to reading more write-ups here.
Lovely piece on friendship...I can relate with some of the things u said..Especially the emptiness that comes when the friendship comes to an end..Mine didn't actually come to an end, but another lady came between us and that's how the distance started..I tried fighting for our friendship but I felt really bad when I wasn't getting the same vibe from her, it was like she didn't take me as important as I took her...Am still sticking around though cos she was the first lady I will actually call my best friend cos we had that strong friendship bond nd I could go extra miles for her.. Its just feel so bad to now be a like a stranger to someone u were once close with..I guess I had so much expectation from her..
Av learnt to always give my best and stop expecting much from people especially my friends so as not to get hurt.
This is sad. Wishing you and your friend the best. But as an aside, endings can also be a blessing. We really can't force what isn't working to work. Sometimes, we just let it go with knowing that we tried. Why no one should be our source of happiness, joy, etc. They can only give us a part of their happiness and that's what we should give back.
But I hope you with your best that you've given, your friend gives her best to her next friend too. That way, the chain of good friendship continues.
Thank you for the post. It's so timely. I believe matters like this touch the core of what makes us human and what makes the human race flourish.
For me, I don't really have close friends as such and sometimes I feel It's some personal deficiency that's responsible for that, maybe poor interpersonal skills.
I've always wished I had a best friend anyway. I admire beautiful friendships a lot and I think good companionship and friendship are some of the blessings of life.
Few years back, I had this adorable friend. I really loved her ( I never knew that I could love someone of the same gender that much) but the close relationship didn't last long, somethings happened and now we're just cool. Though it's not so easy setting boundaries with someone you've once been so close to but we're learning to manage it and just move on. It hurts but then it's part of life. Some relationships aren't meant to last forever.
From the few friendships I've made so far, I've learnt to know my place in people's lives and also to set clear boundaries where necessary.
Overall, the hurdles of life are easier to cross with good and trusted friends. I do think if we cultivate better and healthy friendships, the incidence and prevalence of psychological disturbances and suicide would greatly decrease.
Starting from your final question, I think healthy friendship is what that friendship defines it to be. Some friends don't want to talk everyday, others do. Depends on context and people in it. No one size fit all.
The subject of friendship is always timely. Because like you said, we sail life easier when we have friends who are invested in seeing us be better and we reciprocate. Poor interpersonal is quite an hurdle. At the same time, if you do find someone who understands your beat, this won't be a problem. Because the person understands. And I hope you find what you admire.
Thank you for this comment and for reading this long post.
About friendship, I just realised after reading this that most of my friendships have stemmed from my childhood experiences. Though I might have liked one than others at some point, but I'm not a 'best/favourite' thing person - food, books, shows, colours, places and people too. I guess it's because I don't like putting a label on things. I just let it flow freely, just like you said that you see best-friending as burdening another.
I've made and lost some good friends over the years,and it mostly didn't end on bitter/sad notes, just two people outgrowing(not sure if that's the right word) each other. However, I've learnt not to be too expectant, enjoy it while it lasts and make good memories because that's all that would be left afterwards. I don't like to seem like I'm pressuring someone, just like I don't like being pressured. If I see there's some friction in the friendship, I'd make some effort to smoothen it, but if afterwards it's still the same, then no qualms, as long as there's no bad blood. I don't have an exact best friend, instead what I have is a group of friends that understand different parts of me individually and I guess I'm okay with that.
I relate with this comment a lot. I don't have a best list too. I don't subscribe to all of those. Lol. I think it also affects my friendships too.
I do have circles of friends too. For different sides of my life. In essence, I don't have to burden anyone. And I'm okay with that. The great thing is that I haven't actually had cause to smoothen my relationship with someone. I jelly thru. I think because we don't get into situation where we are pressured or fight. Essentially, friends are blessings. We have to know which to keep.
I can relate to some things you said. I don't like to be a burden on anyone so I don't even force friendships. I'll just admire from a far distance and never make a move. If God wills, we will be friends.
Yes, I admire close friend relationships and that's how I got my best friend. I later realised that I really don't like being clingy but alhamdulillah it's still on.
😂😂Oh my God, When we were asked to write our personal profile in my school, I just went through my other mate's profile and I found out my best friend didn't write my name then I wrote another girl's name, lol. There was commotion. Bla bla bla. I feel friendship is the best relationship and everyone should understand that it's not every time you need them.
But also, there's definitely nothing wrong in asking someone you admire to be your friend tho. Makes life easier, as long as you both understand what you're as friends. But cheers to your close friendship. Thank you for reading.
I could relate on so many levels. The beginning of friendship and the excitement that comes with it, the ending, the deep sense of loss that comes with that ending, and the lesson and growth that accompany that sense of loss.
Had my first major friendship breakup when I was 11 going on 12, and it felt like the loss a limb. Looking back now, I feel as though my reaction to the entire thing was so dramatic, it probably resulted from the fact that I depended so much on that friend.
But I'm grateful that it happened at that period of my life because the lessons I learned from it have sort of defined the way I view friends and friendships now.
I no longer do best friendships. I admire people who have such amazing best friendships with the people they call their best friends, maybe even long for it sometimes. But thinking about the burden that also accompanies such a label, I decide firmly that it is not for me. Besides, why have one best friend when I can have favorites, enjoying different aspects of different people and sharing different parts of myself with others in such a way that nobody is overburdened. In fact, I think I take a step back sometimes when I feel like I'm approaching a certain level of closeness that I won't be comfortable with.
While, like you, I haven't found the perfect definition of friendship, I have learned something about it, and it can be simply put as: enjoy it while it lasts (while treating the person you call your friend with utmost sincerity), go as deep as you can, but always leave a space in your mind, no matter how little, for exits (be it yours or your friend's). Not all friendships would end, but if it has to, you don't have to be so hurt by it. Like a quote I read recently says "... It doesn't have to last forever for it to be successful".
And as with every other aspect of our lives, we keep on learning about friendships until flowers are placed on our graves.
I think that we need to generally to introspect on our childhood. There's a lot of clarity in it. But we don't look back that much as humans. Life goes on.
I agree with you on that kind of friendship. Because that's my kind of friendship. We don't burden others. But be the best you can be for them.
I generally like the transition of this comment. Felt like I was reading a timeline. But like you mentioned, as with other aspects of our lives, we are learning more.
Same. I want friends who have similar vibes with me but I also don't want them. For years, I had always called people who called me 'friend' acquittance or mates. And I am so cool with friendships. If you need me, I'm here. If you don't, I'm okay. Just don't ignore me.
This is so interesting.
For me, at every point in my life I've always had an Abdul-azeez and for that I'm extremely grateful. The thing is going through friendships, a lot of lessons are learnt and one major lesson I've learnt is communication. Great communication in friendships solves a lot of problems.
This is a really good read, baraka llahu fihi
This is a piece I can so relate with! How one is loved and the other beloved, and how one party enjoys receiving which in turn breaks the friendship. You've said it all. In as much as you enjoy your stress-free life of not having a bestie, you crave one when you see others from a distance.
But how come I wasn't aware of this platform until now? Looking forward to reading more write-ups here.
This is so nice
Awesome!
I enjoyed every bit of this write-up... So accurate
More ink to your pen!
Thanks Ibankhan
Your writing draws a tail of acacia gum behind it
Making the next couple of words to stick more
Lol. I don't even know what an Acacia gum is but it sounds like it makes stuff stick. Thank you for sticking around.
Thanks for putting this out there.
Thank you for reading it too.
Lovely piece on friendship...I can relate with some of the things u said..Especially the emptiness that comes when the friendship comes to an end..Mine didn't actually come to an end, but another lady came between us and that's how the distance started..I tried fighting for our friendship but I felt really bad when I wasn't getting the same vibe from her, it was like she didn't take me as important as I took her...Am still sticking around though cos she was the first lady I will actually call my best friend cos we had that strong friendship bond nd I could go extra miles for her.. Its just feel so bad to now be a like a stranger to someone u were once close with..I guess I had so much expectation from her..
Av learnt to always give my best and stop expecting much from people especially my friends so as not to get hurt.
This is sad. Wishing you and your friend the best. But as an aside, endings can also be a blessing. We really can't force what isn't working to work. Sometimes, we just let it go with knowing that we tried. Why no one should be our source of happiness, joy, etc. They can only give us a part of their happiness and that's what we should give back.
But I hope you with your best that you've given, your friend gives her best to her next friend too. That way, the chain of good friendship continues.
Thank you for the post. It's so timely. I believe matters like this touch the core of what makes us human and what makes the human race flourish.
For me, I don't really have close friends as such and sometimes I feel It's some personal deficiency that's responsible for that, maybe poor interpersonal skills.
I've always wished I had a best friend anyway. I admire beautiful friendships a lot and I think good companionship and friendship are some of the blessings of life.
Few years back, I had this adorable friend. I really loved her ( I never knew that I could love someone of the same gender that much) but the close relationship didn't last long, somethings happened and now we're just cool. Though it's not so easy setting boundaries with someone you've once been so close to but we're learning to manage it and just move on. It hurts but then it's part of life. Some relationships aren't meant to last forever.
From the few friendships I've made so far, I've learnt to know my place in people's lives and also to set clear boundaries where necessary.
Overall, the hurdles of life are easier to cross with good and trusted friends. I do think if we cultivate better and healthy friendships, the incidence and prevalence of psychological disturbances and suicide would greatly decrease.
What however defines healthy friendship?
Starting from your final question, I think healthy friendship is what that friendship defines it to be. Some friends don't want to talk everyday, others do. Depends on context and people in it. No one size fit all.
The subject of friendship is always timely. Because like you said, we sail life easier when we have friends who are invested in seeing us be better and we reciprocate. Poor interpersonal is quite an hurdle. At the same time, if you do find someone who understands your beat, this won't be a problem. Because the person understands. And I hope you find what you admire.
Thank you for this comment and for reading this long post.
I'm so much in love with this write up. I can relate to most of it. But quite unfortunate, I don't really have great friendships.
Well, be a great friend. A great friend will locate you, somehow. Thank you for reading and loving my write up.
Hey Ibankhan, it's good to hear from you again.
About friendship, I just realised after reading this that most of my friendships have stemmed from my childhood experiences. Though I might have liked one than others at some point, but I'm not a 'best/favourite' thing person - food, books, shows, colours, places and people too. I guess it's because I don't like putting a label on things. I just let it flow freely, just like you said that you see best-friending as burdening another.
I've made and lost some good friends over the years,and it mostly didn't end on bitter/sad notes, just two people outgrowing(not sure if that's the right word) each other. However, I've learnt not to be too expectant, enjoy it while it lasts and make good memories because that's all that would be left afterwards. I don't like to seem like I'm pressuring someone, just like I don't like being pressured. If I see there's some friction in the friendship, I'd make some effort to smoothen it, but if afterwards it's still the same, then no qualms, as long as there's no bad blood. I don't have an exact best friend, instead what I have is a group of friends that understand different parts of me individually and I guess I'm okay with that.
I relate with this comment a lot. I don't have a best list too. I don't subscribe to all of those. Lol. I think it also affects my friendships too.
I do have circles of friends too. For different sides of my life. In essence, I don't have to burden anyone. And I'm okay with that. The great thing is that I haven't actually had cause to smoothen my relationship with someone. I jelly thru. I think because we don't get into situation where we are pressured or fight. Essentially, friends are blessings. We have to know which to keep.
But thank you for waiting around to read this.
It an awesome piece sir.
I think I have been carrying that weight of one_sided friendship.
Hmmm. Let them know.
Thank you!
I can relate to some things you said. I don't like to be a burden on anyone so I don't even force friendships. I'll just admire from a far distance and never make a move. If God wills, we will be friends.
Yes, I admire close friend relationships and that's how I got my best friend. I later realised that I really don't like being clingy but alhamdulillah it's still on.
😂😂Oh my God, When we were asked to write our personal profile in my school, I just went through my other mate's profile and I found out my best friend didn't write my name then I wrote another girl's name, lol. There was commotion. Bla bla bla. I feel friendship is the best relationship and everyone should understand that it's not every time you need them.
😂😂😂 I can't imagine the heartbreak.
But also, there's definitely nothing wrong in asking someone you admire to be your friend tho. Makes life easier, as long as you both understand what you're as friends. But cheers to your close friendship. Thank you for reading.
I could relate on so many levels. The beginning of friendship and the excitement that comes with it, the ending, the deep sense of loss that comes with that ending, and the lesson and growth that accompany that sense of loss.
Had my first major friendship breakup when I was 11 going on 12, and it felt like the loss a limb. Looking back now, I feel as though my reaction to the entire thing was so dramatic, it probably resulted from the fact that I depended so much on that friend.
But I'm grateful that it happened at that period of my life because the lessons I learned from it have sort of defined the way I view friends and friendships now.
I no longer do best friendships. I admire people who have such amazing best friendships with the people they call their best friends, maybe even long for it sometimes. But thinking about the burden that also accompanies such a label, I decide firmly that it is not for me. Besides, why have one best friend when I can have favorites, enjoying different aspects of different people and sharing different parts of myself with others in such a way that nobody is overburdened. In fact, I think I take a step back sometimes when I feel like I'm approaching a certain level of closeness that I won't be comfortable with.
While, like you, I haven't found the perfect definition of friendship, I have learned something about it, and it can be simply put as: enjoy it while it lasts (while treating the person you call your friend with utmost sincerity), go as deep as you can, but always leave a space in your mind, no matter how little, for exits (be it yours or your friend's). Not all friendships would end, but if it has to, you don't have to be so hurt by it. Like a quote I read recently says "... It doesn't have to last forever for it to be successful".
And as with every other aspect of our lives, we keep on learning about friendships until flowers are placed on our graves.
Well written. The part of "go as deep as you can, but always leave a space... for exits" hits differently.
I think that we need to generally to introspect on our childhood. There's a lot of clarity in it. But we don't look back that much as humans. Life goes on.
I agree with you on that kind of friendship. Because that's my kind of friendship. We don't burden others. But be the best you can be for them.
I generally like the transition of this comment. Felt like I was reading a timeline. But like you mentioned, as with other aspects of our lives, we are learning more.
I think it’s a really great piece and I resonate with it so much. Well done Ibankhan!👍
Thank you for reading Dhikroh!