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Sapph's avatar

I could relate on so many levels. The beginning of friendship and the excitement that comes with it, the ending, the deep sense of loss that comes with that ending, and the lesson and growth that accompany that sense of loss.

Had my first major friendship breakup when I was 11 going on 12, and it felt like the loss a limb. Looking back now, I feel as though my reaction to the entire thing was so dramatic, it probably resulted from the fact that I depended so much on that friend.

But I'm grateful that it happened at that period of my life because the lessons I learned from it have sort of defined the way I view friends and friendships now.

I no longer do best friendships. I admire people who have such amazing best friendships with the people they call their best friends, maybe even long for it sometimes. But thinking about the burden that also accompanies such a label, I decide firmly that it is not for me. Besides, why have one best friend when I can have favorites, enjoying different aspects of different people and sharing different parts of myself with others in such a way that nobody is overburdened. In fact, I think I take a step back sometimes when I feel like I'm approaching a certain level of closeness that I won't be comfortable with.

While, like you, I haven't found the perfect definition of friendship, I have learned something about it, and it can be simply put as: enjoy it while it lasts (while treating the person you call your friend with utmost sincerity), go as deep as you can, but always leave a space in your mind, no matter how little, for exits (be it yours or your friend's). Not all friendships would end, but if it has to, you don't have to be so hurt by it. Like a quote I read recently says "... It doesn't have to last forever for it to be successful".

And as with every other aspect of our lives, we keep on learning about friendships until flowers are placed on our graves.

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Adunni's avatar

Thank you for the post. It's so timely. I believe matters like this touch the core of what makes us human and what makes the human race flourish.

For me, I don't really have close friends as such and sometimes I feel It's some personal deficiency that's responsible for that, maybe poor interpersonal skills.

I've always wished I had a best friend anyway. I admire beautiful friendships a lot and I think good companionship and friendship are some of the blessings of life.

Few years back, I had this adorable friend. I really loved her ( I never knew that I could love someone of the same gender that much) but the close relationship didn't last long, somethings happened and now we're just cool. Though it's not so easy setting boundaries with someone you've once been so close to but we're learning to manage it and just move on. It hurts but then it's part of life. Some relationships aren't meant to last forever.

From the few friendships I've made so far, I've learnt to know my place in people's lives and also to set clear boundaries where necessary.

Overall, the hurdles of life are easier to cross with good and trusted friends. I do think if we cultivate better and healthy friendships, the incidence and prevalence of psychological disturbances and suicide would greatly decrease.

What however defines healthy friendship?

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